Party of Five

Winter Break. A rather odd week, that even after 20 years with kids in my school district, I have no idea what this week is for and why my kids get it off from school.  But there were no plans for the week other than pure relaxation.  Possibly assisting mom with who knows what project might come up, but really just a time to unwind from the daily norm. Our last full day there was pre-planned with two doctor appointments for mom.  Two doctors Two appointments Two reports that her blood work looked perfect Two reports that she was looking great T-14 days until her next PET scan.

I am officially calling 2019 - CLOSED. I am also officially calling GAME ON for the new year. I was writing in a journal this morning - a brand new, full of clean lined pages, journal - and Mr. D. caught on and asked me about it. Nope, not journaling.  Not really.  More like..."Note taking" I've been thinking about this over recent weeks, and I know that change is in order.  Look, I'm an advocate - it's what I do - I fight to make change happen.  And I recognize that I need to begin advocating for myself... More than meaningless New Year's Resolutions.  I know that I can't be everything and do everything, every day.  And in between watching my family grow up right before my eyes, my part-time paying job, and my full-time volunteer job - chaos is reigning.  But I can still take the time - little pieces, here and there, to find happiness again. Day 1 was a success - full of little steps, and I succeeded in not trying to take on the ...

The other day, I bit into a slice of pizza, and I burned my tongue.  You know,  the very tip of it.  The next day, it was sore and raw every time it rubbed against my front teeth. Also that next day, I bit the side of my tongue.  As in, it got in the way of my teeth and I bit down.  Hard. So now my tongue is burned on the tip, and has a big bump on the right, and it just hurts to eat or talk at all. I was feeling very sorry for myself. Then my thoughts went to my mom, as they often do these days. And I thought about how my mom's chemo treatment has given her multiple sores throughout her mouth and throat, making it difficult to eat ... anything,  Some days she eats whatever sounds good (even if she can't taste it).  Most days it's whatever is soft and palatable. ...and suddenly the "big bump" on my tongue no longer seems all that big, and I just need to suck it up and find some Listerine to swish in my mouth and move on with my day. The p...

This orange ribbon represents:  The kidney cancer that took her right kidney in 2006. The metastasized kidney cancer that took a section of her right lung in 2017. The cancer that has once again reared its ugly head on her spine and adrenal gland. Kidney cancer is a reality in our family. Mom has been quick to remind us, her doctor, and the hospital staff - "There are others who have it much worse than I."  And she's right...it's obvious with every moment that is spent at her oncologist's office or on the oncology floor at the hospital when we encounter the other warriors.   This Thanksgiving, I am thankful that my mom is home from the hospital after a short stay for dehydration.  I am thankful that I have this time to spend with her.   I am thankful that God is still good. ~C.

I feel as though I should preface this post with a disclaimer...  About a year and a half ago...at the ripe "old" age of 45, I would find myself melting into what I THOUGHT was a hot flash.  Everyday.  Like clockwork.  At the same time of the day.  However, they weren't debilitating.  They didn't warrant me changing outfits before work because I had sweat through my clothes.  I didn't actually "look" like the hot mess I was feeling. On the inside, I was doing an internal happy jig!!  32 years of visits from "Flo" , feminine products, and cramps.  A menstrual cycle that has changed dramatically with every child born AND every miscarriage, has NEVER been predictable, and has been accompanied by migraine headaches in recent years.  If these little temperature surges that I had begun to experience were a sign that "the change" was beginning...I was putting out the Welcome mat for this next chapter in life!!  (Hot) Flash Forw...

It was December 14th, 2012. On that day.... I spent the afternoon at my kids' school watching my 1st grader and his classmates perform their Christmas concert for all of my fellow parents and grandparents.  First and Second Graders were singing together, bringing joy into the season. I watched them all, recognizing many of the faces, probably able to name most of them if I really thought long and hard enough. On that day...hundreds of miles away in Newtown, Connecticut, students were also at school with the excitement of Christmas being only days away. I can't even begin to fathom 20 less angelic voices  than those that I heard at my school on that day. On that day...there were elementary students in Connecticut who had spent the past few months making new friends who should've been friends for life as classmates.  At the end of the day they were left wondering why nobody ever told them about these scary, sad days at school. ...because these scary, sad d...

"The Elf", who is affectionately known as Jingles in our house, has been around for many, MANY years. He's a roly-poly sort-of elf, who shows up every year, looking like he has spent his time at the North Pole trying just a little too hard to channel his inner-Santa by growing a full beard that is completely out of control.  However, he has been part of Christmas with our family long before THE OTHER ELF was the cool thing to do - sometimes he can be uber-mischievous, and at other times, we hardly have even known he's around (or remembered, if I'm being really honest). I woke up this December 1st, and made my way into the family room, and there he was.  (Like the creepy stalker that he is) I had a discussion with him that these "lil' people" are now 18, 14, and 12...and MAYBE they had outgrown him and the need to be stalked  watched over.  (I'm pretty sure a baby reindeer died at the North Pole when I said that) I talked about how my ki...