What Strange Hell Is This?

I feel as though I should preface this post with a disclaimer... 

About a year and a half ago...at the ripe "old" age of 45, I would find myself melting into what I THOUGHT was a hot flash.  Everyday.  Like clockwork.  At the same time of the day.  However, they weren't debilitating.  They didn't warrant me changing outfits before work because I had sweat through my clothes.  I didn't actually "look" like the hot mess I was feeling.

On the inside, I was doing an internal happy jig!!  32 years of visits from "Flo", feminine products, and cramps.  A menstrual cycle that has changed dramatically with every child born AND every miscarriage, has NEVER been predictable, and has been accompanied by migraine headaches in recent years.  If these little temperature surges that I had begun to experience were a sign that "the change" was beginning...I was putting out the Welcome mat for this next chapter in life!! 

(Hot) Flash Forward...

It. Just. Stopped.  Not the hot flashes (which as it turns out were just a precursor to the REAL ones that were to come later.)  I'm talking about my monthly visitor here.  She stopped visiting.  No phone call or text to let me know "Hey, I'm not going to be making this trip this month."  She just didn't show up.

That was in February.

And March.

And April.

Honestly, I thought it just a little rude, that I had been "ghosted".

By April, I was feeling pretty confident that this was it, and surely this was my reward for having such a tumultuous cycle for all of these years...an easy transition into menopause!

Mr. D. and I decided that month to celebrate 25 years of marriage by taking a little trip - without kids.  Our first of it's kind in almost 19 years, staying for a few days in Tennessee enjoying the sights and sounds of Music City and nearby Franklin.  Granted...it's warmer down there (especially when you're living in Buffalo where we experience 7 feet of snowfall in 2 days), ...and wouldn't you know that on our first day of vacation, I experienced what I now call my first REAL hotflash.

Satan burning in his lake of fire and throw me some s'mores on the fire while we're at it.  

I remember looking at Mr. D., desperately trying to fan myself, and him looking back at me with complete bewilderment on his face.  That first day, they were happening pretty much every hour.  If we were walking outside, I would drag him into an air-conditioned store.  If they happened while we were inside, I would drag him back outside where I could hopefully catch a breeze.  

And it continued...for the entire trip (Happy Anniversary!), but upon our return, my happy jig had morphed into more of a full-on Happy Dance!  

April....

May....

June....

July....

It has been six months without having to mark "Red Week" on my calendar.  SIX MONTHS!  Not a single glimpse of her return since February!!  The hot flashes have been manageable - mostly thankful to being able to work in one of the few air-conditioned rooms in my school building - but I haven't stripped myself nekkid in a sweaty fury yet in the public view, so I call that a win!

I've been researching this crazy thing they call "peri-menopause" and contemplating a visit to the lady doctor for her to basically tell me what I already suspect, that I have begun what our mothers referred to as "the change of life".  Apparently you're not fully "changed" until you haven't been visited for a solid straight 12 months.  I made it to six.  

Today she reared her ugly head again and showed up.  Seriously?  Who invited her back to this party??  

My emotional / mental state is a wreck right now.  I can recognize that I'm going to need help.  

I'm also not sleeping. (Could be part of the emotional / mental train wreck)

I've gained about 30 pounds since this whole thing has started.

And yet... STILL, she thought it a good idea to make a return visit??  

~ C.