2001: 40 Thoughts in 40 Days

Something about being a mom.

Something that kicks in...a gut instinct...a "momma bear" mindset that says we will protect our kids from anything and everything that might threaten them.

There are also times, when despite how badly we want to hold them, keeping them safe from all of the evil in the world...we can't.

My little guy was not hurt, injured, or distressed at all.  In fact, at only a year old, he was not concerned or even aware of what was going on in his world.  And this was HIS world.  It was his world, and his future, and it was being threatened like we had never known that beautiful autumn morning in September.

And there was nothing I could do about it except to watch it unfold on the television.

It was a "normal" morning for me, Mr. D. had gone off to work, baby and I were at home, and I had just finished my shower and sat down to catch a glimpse of what was happening via The Today Show.

I turned on my TV at 9:03 that morning, precisely as cameras caught the 2nd plane flying into the 2nd tower.  I didn't understand what I was seeing.  I didn't know there had already been a crash into the North Tower...and I just stood there looking at an image of the World Trade Center and thinking, "that plane is really close, and that seems a little odd, and...."

And then nothing.

I dropped to my knees, and cried out to my God.

D-man came toddling up to me wanting on my lap and I could only pull him close and wrap my arms around him, wanting to protect him, protect the future that he deserved to have.  But the uncertainty of what was unfolding in front of me scared me.

I packed the little guy up in his carseat and we took off to find Mr. D on his mail route.  I needed to see ... needed to know of something that was certain, and hear the voice of reason that although it usually annoys me, that day I knew it would be a reassurance.

I was 29 years old when September 11, 2001 changed our country in a way that nobody ever expected or thought would ever happen.  And no matter how much this momma bear wanted to protect my little boy from all evil in the world, I couldn't do it.