Tuesday, November 1, 2011

NaBloPoMo #2 - Feeling My Age

On my last birthday, I turned 39. (Yikes!)

Not that I feel old...not really. Except maybe in the wee hours of the morning when I have to drag my butt out of bed to get the monkies off to school. And after I eat something that I used to eat in high school, only now it doesn't seem to digest nearly as well. (Doritos and nacho cheese - sooooo good, but sooooo bad for this gall bladder-free grown-up.)

For the most part, I still feel young(ish).

And then something happens...something like last week. A phone call from one parent telling me that they were on their way North to spend time with an aging sibling who was in the hospital . Another phone call a few hours later from the other parent telling me they had recently spent time in the hospital due to some heart "issues", and testing was still being done to see how serious it was and what would be done.

Neither turned out to be very serious thank goodness, and both parents are now home safe and sound. But it made me stop and think. Parents are aging...I'm aging. Neither one of them are knocking on deaths door - neither are even retirement age yet...YET.

What's my point? I'm not exactly sure.

I guess, maybe, it's about realizing that they really aren't going to be here forever.

And that's a depressing thought.

Today I talked to my grandfather on the phone. He was falling all over himself, being apologetic for not having me over to the house for a meal while we were in town that weekend. "We should've spent more time together, that's what family does."

I told him that I knew the trip was unexpected and last minute, and I surely didn't expect anyone to bend over backwards just to accomodate us. Besides...the kids thought it was a fun vacation to be able to stay in a hotel with a pool.

I told him I loved him...and my grandfather cried as he told me he loved me to.

This was not our typical exchange of a hug (usually saying good-bye) and a quick "I love you." This was an 85 year old man breaking down over the phone, apologetic, and wanting to make sure that even through all of the mistakes that have been made soooooo many years ago, he wanted to make sure his grand-daughter knew she was loved.

It's times like this...when family members are wanting to make sure their truest feelings are made known - yep, I'm feeling my age. Feeling so much more like a 39 year old than a 19 year old.

I don't know if I like growing up.

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