I have never claimed to be a perfect person. I'm not some uber-spiritual, got-it-all-together, perfect woman who walks through each day with a smile on my face. I have bad days. I have really bad days. And there are days when I really, Really mess up. I have those days when bad decisions and stupid choices just abound out of me like snow in Buffalo during the winter months.
The thing is, I'm not a baby Christian - I've been in church all my life, and know in my head everything that's always been taught to me. I know He's a forgiving God. I know He loves me. I know He's merciful. It's only recently that all of this has become to be known in my heart, and not just my head. What a difference between having that "head-knowledge" and knowing it deep within your heart!
I sat in my church service like I always do. But lately, I'm learning to "let go", and shut out the rest of the world. It's during worship, that God is really beginning to work on some things with me, and I like it! But due to my recent bad choices, I was there yesterday in a different frame of mind. I felt like I shouldn't have been there, I felt so filthy in sin. Didn't I need His forgiveness before I could approach Him? But how could I be forgiven without approaching Him?
Hebrews 10: 19-22 Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.
I can approach Him! (again, I already knew this in my head - just needed it worked out in my heart.) And it was only then that He began to speak a peace into me. One word - Forgiven. "But God, this was REALLY stupid!" Forgiven. "I know that You're all loving, but...." Forgiven. "But..." Forgiven.
When will we learn, that it's just not that hard. He loves us. He wants the absolute best for us. He forgives us.
(and thank you to my dearest friend for sending me this video to help remind me!)